A big aspect of IFS therapy is getting to know our Protector Parts and their roles within our systems. These Protectors, especially the Managers, often hold fears about letting go of control or not being able to do their jobs. We can get to know our Protectors, their fears, and develop deeper relationships with them through the use of the 6 F’s. While the 6 F’s are typically structured in the following order, they can also be fluid based on how the Part is responding.
Find
This is the first step in the 6 F’s. This step includes identifying the target Part by noticing where we feel the Part in the body. Not sure on who the target Part is? Simply ask, “Is there a Part I want to feel curious about today?” or “What feels really pressing right now?”.
Focus
Once a Part has been found, focus on where this Part shows up in or around the body. After some time, notice what words come up about this Part. We can ask, “Does this Part have any words, shapes, colors, or other sensations?”
Feel Toward
This next step is one of the cardinal questions in IFS therapy: “How do you feel toward this Part?” This question is important because it helps us assess how much Self-Energy is present. Essentially, we are looking out for the 8 C’s.
BeFriend
This step focuses on deepening the relationship by inviting the Part to notice the Self. This in turn builds trust. We can also extend any sense of compassion, connection, or curiosity to that Part and see how it responds. We can acknowledge the process with statements such as, “Let the Part feel your presence,” or “Take your time to be there with the Part in the way that feels right for it.” We don’t want to rush this crucial relationship building step.
Flesh Out
This step includes staying with the body sensations and emotional cues present in the befriending process. This step allows for the observation of other reactions that may arise (i.e., irritability, urges, judgments). Here, we are letting our awareness deepen without judgment. We can also learn more about this Part by asking, “How did you get your job?”, “How long have you had this job?”, or “Is there anything you would rather be doing if you didn’t have this job?”
Fear
Once there feels like enough trust and understanding is built up with the Part, try asking, “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do what you do?” Continue to explore this with the Part. Eventually, that Part may show you what it is protecting (usually an Exile). As the relationship continues to deepen, negotiating permission to work with the Exile, addressing concerns, and offering hope become paramount.
If you are curious to learn more about EMDR, IFS-informed EMDR, or are interested in beginning your EMDR/IFS-informed EMDR therapy journey, please reach out to me via the Contact Me page on my website. You can also learn more about EMDR as well as additional EMDR therapists in your area by visiting the EMDR International Association’s website here. You can learn more about IFS by visiting the IFS Institute’s website here.
Reminder: these blog posts are meant to be purely educational and/or entertainment tools and do NOT replace psychotherapy and/or other medically necessary treatments.